The untold stories

This was something that I wrote long time ago when one of my friend (who was going to marry her gf) said that he did not want her and he wanted me instead. Gila nggak? Emang! And lonely Rene was trapped there. Trying to help her friend but ended up did stupid shit. Malah ikut hanyut dalam buaian omongan dan rayuan temannya. I almost be a pelakor ya know? Glad I decided to stop everything. I regret it all. I found this kinda letter days ago and I thought it was worth shared. So here it is. Named LKS untuk pundung (don't ask me about the title I have no idea at that time. remember that was the lonely and stupid Rene writing this leter) Hallo pundung. Ini sekarang aku nulis ini jam 3.19 a day after we have that fancy dompleng kupat tahu hahaha. Aku nggak bisa tidur, walau aku pingin. Kayak otakku tuh nggak mau berhenti mikirin hal-hal kampret macam gimana cara bersiap ditinggal kamu, atau bersiap menghadapi bahwa besok dan seterusnya aku (dan kamu) nggak akan bisa baik-baik saja...

It's okay if your plan failed. It's okay if you feel like the world is not fair. Because it's actually fair enough for being unfair to everyone. It's okay for you to cry while you eating your dinner while you driving back to your home while you working on your job. It's okay for you to cry harder in the middle of the night when you feel like it's only you who got your back. You may feel like the world is taking away your dream. You may feel like you are really close to the things you want but the world said it is not the things you need. It's okay to be tired. It's okay.

I know that this one is an embarrassing story but let me write it here while I still remember every single thing about it. Agak eman-eman juga kalau dibiarin terlupakan. November 2010 (I forget the year but I think it was 2010) There was a guy following me on Twitter. Namanya Raya. It was his name that he used to get to know me. Mengaku dari Bandung, sekolah di SMA 5 Bandung angkatan 2012. Rene muda, yang waktu itu memang masih kelas 10 SMA, dengan polosnya iya-iya aja. Ada mas-mas lucu yang ngefollow di twitter. Mulai dari mention-mentionan, akhirnya lanjut ke DM. Standard lah ya. Lalu kemudian, si mas ini tiba-tiba gone away. Nggak ada kabar sama sekali. Terus ada satu orang temennya yang mention dia (I found it when I searched his username) said that he died. Omg I feel like I cannot continue writing this. Lol. This was embarrassing. I am so sorry for being a dumb-young-innocent lil girl that time. Sedih, aku coba cari facebook dia, kali aja ada sesuatu gitu, mati beneran...

I thought leaving you would be easy When I said that everything would not work and I had to leave, I truly meant it But I did not know that it would give me this big heartbreak - I always hope that someday I will find you in a crowd Or in a restaurant Or in the cinema, seeing you waiting for the cheesy romantic movies that you like Or in the place, we used to hang out Our eyes are locked It’s very hard to smile Or say words We standstill And that time we realize We both finally make it That shit we tried so hard years ago Letting go

Hari Jum'at kemarin, pagi-pagi keluar jadwal pendadaran batch terakhir untuk bisa wisuda besok September. Nggak usah ditanya, jelas aku nggak katut, orang masukin skripsi aja engga gimana mo keluar jadwal pendadarannya:( hix Ada 51 mahasisa dari PBI yang mau pendadaran, dari mulai angkatan 2012 - 2014. EDYAN GAK TUH? BANYAK BANGET BUSED:( dan yang dari angkatan aku ada banyak banget lah pokoknya aku nggak sanggup ngelihatinnya karena sedih kok temen-temen udahan pada luluz. seketika ngedrop shay waktu itu. bingung, kalut, stress sendiri karena merasa ketinggalan jauh soalnya yang pendadaran nih rata-rata temen-temen sekelas hamba gitu ya, uuuunch kerasa banget tuh kaya kok gue bego banget sih yang lain udah kelar gue masih bingung mo ngapain hix . ada banyak sahabat dan mantan sahabat (karena udahan jarang main bareng hahahah apaan si) yang pada pendadaran dan yaAllah seriyus lho aku ngedrop banget:( itu mana liatnya waktu di kantor kan, wah udahan tuh langsung lemes banget...

Barusan banget kepikiran pingin nulis tentang galaunya idup tapi terus buka twitter dan ada temen yang bikin tweet: "Rindu suara hujan" terus aku samber "Di spotify banyak" lalu baru aku mikir, FAAAAAAAK! suara hujan aja di spotify ada ya gila canggih banget hidup kita sekarang. coba kalau spotify juga bisa bikin hujan, nggak cuma suaranya aja. pasti keren. aw. lalu, waktu lagi nulis ini... si bapak tetangga depan rumah kedengeran keluar rumah terus buang ingus. berkali-kali. ini kebiasaan si bapak yang dari kapan tahun gatau deh, kelakukannya begituuuu  mulu. ya sah-sah aja gitu buang ingus depan rumah dia sendiri, tapi kadang suka geli aja buang ingusnya kenceng banget buset. dan kenapa didepan rumah gitu ya, si beliau ini kan punya kamar mandi. tapi aku maunya mikir positif aja, mungkin beliau nggak mau pakai tisyu biar zerowaste dan mungkin kalau di kamar mandi kudu pakai diguyur aer dan kalau didepan rumah langsung ngeresep di tanah. IEWH DISGUSTING. ...

when you know that the thing you are fighting for will not worth at the end, will cause you a terrible broken heart and give you pain which gonna stay, will you stop it now when everything just seems to be very okay? when you are happy on your own? will you? - pessimistic bitch is on her duty.